I’ve read somewhere that one of the steps to stay positive is to avoid being around negative people. Somehow, I am not buying it. Because if you do, you are not different than those you try to avoid.

To me, positive thinking is about perception: spinning harsh realities to discover a silver lining and to be productive. That’s why I consider positive people as stronger species - they don’t give up easily on negative situations. Some people have the qualities to be positive - either naturally or learned, and some don’t; and we have to accept it.

And that’s why for me, positive people have the responsibility to try influence the negative ones, and not avoid them. I view it as absurdity when positive people simply decide to walk away from them to protect their own feelings. Isn’t it much better if you try to direct them out of dark? Isn’t the correct strategy around negative people is to bring sunshine when rain is pouring?

I’m not against avoiding them, especially if your strategies are not working. And I understand if you would prefer to step away: at some point, we need to think of what’s best for ourselves, too. What I’m saying is, “leaving” should be the last resort. Try first to change the mood to something light, and do it sincerely and with the best of your ability before leaving them sulking. Display your strength and encourage them to whistle a happy tune. If you don’t, then you are showing that you are as weak as they are.

And this reminds me of a friend of mine, who we’ll call Christine. She had a rough time one day and was complaining about how underpaid she was considering the work she had been doing for the company we were working for. She went on and on, whining, and talking about how her supervisor didn’t take care of her when the latter missed giving her the salary increase that was due that month. I was just listening, and I treated her stories lightly. I was even smiling like it was no big deal.

When she was finally done, I told her: “count your blessings.” She was silent for a moment, speechless. She didn’t see it coming. She said, “I know, but…” and failed to continue. The next morning, I received a voicemail from her thanking me for my timely words the previous day. Imagine if I encouraged her to whine more or to support her negative thoughts? I would feel bad about it knowing I could change the situation. Instead, two souls felt better that morning.

I stumbled upon Edward Mills‘ detailed article about tips for staying positive around negative people. It was an excellent read. I can relate to some of his tips because I’ve been using them unconsciously. Although if I were him, I would clarify that “avoidance” should be the last option. In fact, I would say “STAY”, because it is the right thing to do; and because negative people are not always negative all the time.

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