Archive for the 'Motivation' Category

Let Go of Fantasies and Serve Your Purpose

Published at January 21, 2008 in Motivation, Observations and Opinions and School/Teaching. 17 Comments

I remember this girl in college that I really liked a lot. Let’s call her Kathleen.

I liked Kathleen so much that I kept enrolling in her class even though I didn’t really talk to her. As a matter of fact, I only talked to her once.

Her course, if I recall correctly, was International Studies. Mine was Computer Application. Huge difference, but what sent me to her class and kept sending me back was her. Always her.

She’s beautiful — my type of beauty to be perfectly honest. Her face was angelic and her smile was captivating. Somehow, her beauty kept me drawn to her. She was like a magnet; I was attracted and I liked it. I didn’t want to last a day without a glimpse of her.

Her class, however, in its entirety, was not as beautiful as her. I didn’t have any friends and nobody reached out to me, especially when there was a group activity. I was alone, sitting in one corner left to mind my own business. I was always near the door so I can sneak out of the room quickly after the lesson. (And after giving this girl one good look.)

Her classmates didn’t like “outsiders”, unfortunately, I was one. So I had to endure their aloofness just to see a girl who didn’t even know I existed. Despite that, I remained in my seat quietly, fantasizing about myself talking to Kathleen. It was like an addiction that I couldn’t resist.

And it was like that for 2 semesters, until I failed in some subjects.

The failures were a wake-up call. I asked myself: “Is it worth it?” Apparently, Kathleen did not and will not give me any positive response. She was just a fantasy, and my failures were real. Staying in her class didn’t benefit me at all. I decided to stay away.

I still saw her in the catwalk, in the canteen, and in the campus. Sometimes she was with her friends, sometimes she was alone. I don’t recall a specific time when my eyes met hers. Because it was more of me looking at her, than she looking at me.

Fortunately, I got over her and never enrolled in her class again. I realized what a fool I was for letting myself get hooked by her beauty, thus, hurting my college records.

There was a reason I was in school: to learn and eventually to get ready for work. Obviously, I wasn’t fulfilling my purpose.

Consciously diverting my attention to my purpose, I enrolled in classes where I knew I have friends who could help me out in case of academic hardships. This strategy was perfect. Everything was easier for me. I also enrolled in Summer classes to catch up. I graduated College, had a job, and lived a life. All because I learned to let go of a fruitless fantasy and served my true purpose.

In case you’re wondering, I’ve never heard anything about Kathleen since, but I spotted her one time while I was watching TV: she was in the commercial. That was before I got my first job as a programmer almost 10 years ago. I chuckled the first time I saw it, but I wasn’t really surprised — she was truly a model-material (One thing I learned from my fantasy is that, I had a good taste!)

The point is, there is nothing wrong with fantasies. But putting it on top your priorities to the point of hurting your objectives in life is another story. Don’t make the same mistake I did by prolonging it and wasting your time getting nothing in return. Let go of it and serve your purpose.

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Why You Should Not Avoid Negative People

Published at November 2, 2007 in Attitude, Motivation, Positive Thinking and Responsibility. 62 Comments

I’ve read somewhere that one of the steps to stay positive is to avoid being around negative people. Somehow, I am not buying it. Because if you do, you are not different than those you try to avoid.

To me, positive thinking is about perception: spinning harsh realities to discover a silver lining and to be productive. That’s why I consider positive people as stronger species – they don’t give up easily on negative situations. Some people have the qualities to be positive – either naturally or learned, and some don’t; and we have to accept it.

And that’s why for me, positive people have the responsibility to try influence the negative ones, and not avoid them. I view it as absurdity when positive people simply decide to walk away from them to protect their own feelings. Isn’t it much better if you try to direct them out of dark? Isn’t the correct strategy around negative people is to bring sunshine when rain is pouring?

I’m not against avoiding them, especially if your strategies are not working. And I understand if you would prefer to step away: at some point, we need to think of what’s best for ourselves, too. What I’m saying is, “leaving” should be the last resort. Try first to change the mood to something light, and do it sincerely and with the best of your ability before leaving them sulking. Display your strength and encourage them to whistle a happy tune. If you don’t, then you are showing that you are as weak as they are.

And this reminds me of a friend of mine, who we’ll call Christine. She had a rough time one day and was complaining about how underpaid she was considering the work she had been doing for the company we were working for. She went on and on, whining, and talking about how her supervisor didn’t take care of her when the latter missed giving her the salary increase that was due that month. I was just listening, and I treated her stories lightly. I was even smiling like it was no big deal.

When she was finally done, I told her: “count your blessings.” She was silent for a moment, speechless. She didn’t see it coming. She said, “I know, but…” and failed to continue. The next morning, I received a voicemail from her thanking me for my timely words the previous day. Imagine if I encouraged her to whine more or to support her negative thoughts? I would feel bad about it knowing I could change the situation. Instead, two souls felt better that morning.

I stumbled upon Edward Mills‘ detailed article about tips for staying positive around negative people. It was an excellent read. I can relate to some of his tips because I’ve been using them unconsciously. Although if I were him, I would clarify that “avoidance” should be the last option. In fact, I would say “STAY”, because it is the right thing to do; and because negative people are not always negative all the time.

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If You Don’t, You Can’t

Published at October 25, 2007 in Attitude, Career/Work/Job, Motivation, School/Teaching and Success. 14 Comments

Tom was nearly crying. The simple math problems glaring at him was killing him. He was on his seat looking around half-expecting his classmates to offer him some help. But they were too busy doing their own; some of them knew what to do, some still ‘getting it’. Clearly, Tom was having a tough time.

“Mr. P?” he softly called me. “I can’t do it…” He was pleading for help – more like scared to try and fail.

I was beginning to feel irritated. I explained the lesson three times already, the last one, just ten seconds ago. But, I remained calm, fighting the negativity that clouded my mind. I glanced at his paper, still unanswered.

“It looks hard…” he said, and looked back at his paper, giving me the impression that he’s staring at strange numerical questions.

A teacher shouldn’t help a student during a short quiz. So I firmly said, “Tom, just solve the questions.”

Knowing he won’t be able to squeeze out anything from me, I saw his lips trembled, and I knew if he uttered one more word, those tears will begin to fall.

Continue reading ‘If You Don’t, You Can’t’

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