I’ve read somewhere that one of the steps to stay positive is to avoid being around negative people. Somehow, I am not buying it. Because if you do, you are not different than those you try to avoid.
To me, positive thinking is about perception: spinning harsh realities to discover a silver lining and to be productive. That’s why I consider positive people as stronger species - they don’t give up easily on negative situations. Some people have the qualities to be positive - either naturally or learned, and some don’t; and we have to accept it.
And that’s why for me, positive people have the responsibility to try influence the negative ones, and not avoid them. I view it as absurdity when positive people simply decide to walk away from them to protect their own feelings. Isn’t it much better if you try to direct them out of dark? Isn’t the correct strategy around negative people is to bring sunshine when rain is pouring?
I’m not against avoiding them, especially if your strategies are not working. And I understand if you would prefer to step away: at some point, we need to think of what’s best for ourselves, too. What I’m saying is, “leaving” should be the last resort. Try first to change the mood to something light, and do it sincerely and with the best of your ability before leaving them sulking. Display your strength and encourage them to whistle a happy tune. If you don’t, then you are showing that you are as weak as they are.
And this reminds me of a friend of mine, who we’ll call Christine. She had a rough time one day and was complaining about how underpaid she was considering the work she had been doing for the company we were working for. She went on and on, whining, and talking about how her supervisor didn’t take care of her when the latter missed giving her the salary increase that was due that month. I was just listening, and I treated her stories lightly. I was even smiling like it was no big deal.
When she was finally done, I told her: “count your blessings.” She was silent for a moment, speechless. She didn’t see it coming. She said, “I know, but…” and failed to continue. The next morning, I received a voicemail from her thanking me for my timely words the previous day. Imagine if I encouraged her to whine more or to support her negative thoughts? I would feel bad about it knowing I could change the situation. Instead, two souls felt better that morning.
I stumbled upon Edward Mills‘ detailed article about tips for staying positive around negative people. It was an excellent read. I can relate to some of his tips because I’ve been using them unconsciously. Although if I were him, I would clarify that “avoidance” should be the last option. In fact, I would say “STAY”, because it is the right thing to do; and because negative people are not always negative all the time.
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Maybe they walk away from the negative people because they really aren’t that “positive” about themselves to begin with. Afraid perhaps a fragment of that negativity might brush on them, rub off a bit and they wouldn’t be able to counter and shake it off then. Just my theory there.
I used to work with a guy who was relentlessly negative. The only way I could stay sane was to do stuff like drop lint in his tea, or piss under his desk after working late. Eventually he caught a bacterial infection and died, but the months I did spend with him were hell.
I think it’s a trickier subject than that. Sometimes people are passive aggressive and/or actual psychopaths. People with narcissistic personality disorder or antisocial personality disorder, for instance… You shouldn’t give them any chances, because they’ll really screw up your head, and there is little hope of reform for them outside of therapy. It’s not a situation where it’s good advice to say, “Stay in there until you get out…” because not everyone will be able to get out once they’re in.
In certain cases the most positive thing you can do for a person is to tell them off and then act like they don’t even exist.
I know there is a lot of power in the tongue, I think by our words we can create blessings or cursings. I have to pull myself up quite often when I want to complain about a situation, because maybe I am making it worse by cursing it with my words instead helping it by blessing it by finding positives words. Or at least do as we were told as kids “If you can’t find something good to say don’t say anything at all”
Hmm, I think I was misinterpreted and I apologize … by “negative people” I meant people I already know: like friends, family members, co-workers and others we meet everyday. People we can’t avoid seeing in our everyday lives and not psycopaths by its technical definition.
I’m sorry. I have to avoid negative people to keep my sanity.
i’m am the type who avoids negative people. lately, though it seems that these people cannot be avoided after all (there’s just so much pessimism these days that they’re all around you). so just like what you said, influencing them is a better approach as long as you think you have a control somehow over them. Examples are family members, friends, peers and subordinates.
others that should be avoided all the way are bad media people, politicians, criminals (esp. terrorists) and bad drivers. : )
Cris, thanks. Yup, that’s exactly what I meant. I’m a teacher, and everyday I meet and interact with negative people (co-teachers and students), what am I supposed to do? We are trained to motivate and influence people, and that’s simply the point of this post.
i agree with you brotha. sometimes you need to be around negative people just so you can re-evaluate your negativity level. sometimes you gotta be around the most negative person that will make you say to yourself, “damn, i thought i was a killjoy!”. from there, if you have a good heart, you will do what it takes to be a more positive person. negativity kills! however the nature of humans is negative and that far outweighs those that live positively. you would think that we could be equally positive for humankind, but that is too much to ask for these days.
all i know is that i try to do my part to be positive and create a positive atmosphere amongst those that i come in contact with.
and saedel, thanks for that love that you left at my blog brotha. i will be consistently coming through to holla atcha when you drop your blog posts.
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I agree in that you have to let your light shine. It’s good to be a positive influence on people and try to help them out where and when you can.
I do also think though, that you can’t help everyone and after you do what you can, it is up to the person to change their attitude. You can’t do that for them, you can only lead by example.
Good Post.
I actually try to talk to and help people that are really negative and overall “downers. Society really treats these people with little to no respect, and I find that disgusting. They’re people to, but most folk just want to get away from them. It’s a shame that people can be such jerks.
I agree too and thank for shared.
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Sometimes I feel negative, sometimes I don’t. I don’t want people bugging me when I’m negative, but, if they’ve made the effort I really appreciate it when I’m feeling more positive about things. We’re all in the negative-positive spectrum someplace!
I think you just have to make sure you stay positive and don’t get dragged down in the swamp of negativity. It’s always good to have a mix of people around so there will always be some who are up when others feel down. There’s nothing worse, though, than when everyone is down at the same time and it turns into a pity party.
Hi saedel,
TO be honest, i actually have the same belief as you do.
I too get to meet many negative people. I don’t think avoiding them is good my myself personally as this would means shutting out opportunities to reach out to them. I do belief that we should influence the people that surrounds our everyday life and NOT to avoid anyone who is not ‘likable’ in that sense. We should make the world a better place to live in…and that means that we cannot choose to avoid negative people!
When i get crap… i just leave.. simple as that. It really works !
Yes,I think also that being positive among positive is the easiest thing in the world.The most important thing is sharing our positivty with negative persons.Thanks..
Unfortunately my workplace is heavily populated with negative people - I always walk home (my apartment is only a mile from my office in London) with my friend who tells me about how his marriage is going bad and so on… although it does make me realise how lucky I am to be more positive.
It’s great to feed off each others vibes as lens pointed out above. But certainly only when positive. Being around negative people just drains the soul of all thats good and pretty much just bites the big one. Why cant we all just get along.. as bob marley would say… don’t worry… be happy.
I used to be so negative and pessimistic. Thankfully not that bad anymore. But honestly I can’t stay around negative thinking people…one negative person can bring down the spirit of 10 people, I tell you
Wish there are more encouraging and optimistic people around he-eh
Thank’s,nice post…
Great article. That meant a lot to me. Keep up the good writing.
I spent a semester with a negative person living in my room and I feel like I have definitely changed for the worse
Sometimes I feel negative, sometimes I don’t. I don’t want people bugging me when I’m negative, but, if they’ve made the effort I really appreciate it when I’m feeling more positive about things. We’re all in the negative-positive spectrum someplace!
I know there is a lot of power in the tongue, I think by our words we can create blessings or cursings. I have to pull myself up quite often when I want to complain about a situation, because maybe I am making it worse by cursing it with my words instead helping it by blessing it by finding positives words. Or at least do as we were told as kids “If you can’t find something good to say don’t say anything at all”
Ummm , I think I was misinterpreted and I apologize … by “negative people” I meant people I already know: like friends, family members, co-workers and others we meet everyday. People we can’t avoid seeing in our everyday lives and not psycopaths by its technical definition.
Everyone is negative on occasion but its those people who always seem to be negative that are the ones to avoid. I think its all about the energy - some people suck it out of you while others give you energy.
That was a very well thought out post. Im glad I accidentally stumbled upon this.
Well said, However, I would say that it all depends on how mentally strong you are from inside. If you metal toughness and priorities are straight then it doesn’t matter wat sort of persons surrounds you. Cause you will be judging yourself or be in more control on which person should have any effect on you …
my 2 cents ..
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Great tip’s. Thanks to shared.
Negative people suck and just spread negativity throughout the universe. As a result good people have to work harder transmitting positive energy…wait, is this post negative?
avoiding negative people is negative, Marques.
I agree with you to most extent, My grandmother always said “those who argue are smarter than those who don’t” . In other words I think what she meant by that was in general conversation it is healthy to look at the downside aswell, and use your brain more instead of just nodding their head and agreeing.
Sometimes I feel negative yeah but sometimes I don’t.We’re all in the negative positive spectrum someplace! may be
Isn’t negativity an essential part of life? Kind of like the yin-yan theory? For every positive person there is a negative person. If we were all super positive, shiny, happy people the world would be boring. We wouldn’t have horror films or songs about heartache. Do you get my drift people?
What for you means concept ” negative people “? Whom can you so to name? Whether you are negative from a position of those people?
Sometimes being around negative people can help you to realise that you are not negatice. You will see people much worse than you.
Negative people will rub off on you and make you an emotional wreck ! Great article and good reminder thanks.
Jenny
meet and interact with negative people (co-teachers and students), what am I supposed to do? We are trained to motivate and influence people, and that’s simply the point of this post.
Thanks, your article encourages me to speak up more to encourge those who are negative to be grateful for the blessings they have.
Really interesting article, thanks.
Hmm, I think I was misinterpreted and I apologize … by “negative people” I meant people I already know: like friends, family members, co-workers and others we meet everyday. People we can’t avoid seeing in our everyday lives and not psycopaths by its technical definition.
I get frustrated when around negative people but I dont avoid them. Usually i just give them a little support a compliment or something like that.
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Rory
thanks for shairing, i must be away from negative people to keep my soul
I think I was misinterpreted and I apologize … by “negative people” I meant people I already know: like friends, family members, co-workers and others we meet everyday. People we can’t avoid seeing in our everyday lives and not psycopaths by its technical definition.
hi
i want to thank u cuz ur subjest is wonderful
every one of us meet negative ppl and we shouldnt avoid them we must learn something fom them,
thank u
Good post, We Can’t avoid Negative People in all, in some case negative people is positve
I do have to avoid them because I don’t lose my hair to quickly and I dont want to be become one of them.
Sometimes I make it worse by cursing with my words instead helping it by blessing it by finding positives words. I get frustrated when around negative people but I don’t avoid them.
If we would avoid all the negatives surrounding us, how would we define the negativity?
It seems that encouragement works better when you are on the “other” side.
Also the responsibility is an issue well addressed here.
Great post!
This is a very important subject in virtually any business situation. Negative people squander energy by using negative energy. If negative people could simply convert their negative energy into positive energy, the world would be a better place for all of us. It is best to avoid negative people.
I never aviod negative people becxause it just caused them to go even more negative
I’m a nice person
THanks,
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