I’ve read somewhere that one of the steps to stay positive is to avoid being around negative people. Somehow, I am not buying it. Because if you do, you are not different than those you try to avoid.
To me, positive thinking is about perception: spinning harsh realities to discover a silver lining and to be productive. That’s why I consider positive people as stronger species – they don’t give up easily on negative situations. Some people have the qualities to be positive – either naturally or learned, and some don’t; and we have to accept it.
And that’s why for me, positive people have the responsibility to try influence the negative ones, and not avoid them. I view it as absurdity when positive people simply decide to walk away from them to protect their own feelings. Isn’t it much better if you try to direct them out of dark? Isn’t the correct strategy around negative people is to bring sunshine when rain is pouring?
I’m not against avoiding them, especially if your strategies are not working. And I understand if you would prefer to step away: at some point, we need to think of what’s best for ourselves, too. What I’m saying is, “leaving” should be the last resort. Try first to change the mood to something light, and do it sincerely and with the best of your ability before leaving them sulking. Display your strength and encourage them to whistle a happy tune. If you don’t, then you are showing that you are as weak as they are.
And this reminds me of a friend of mine, who we’ll call Christine. She had a rough time one day and was complaining about how underpaid she was considering the work she had been doing for the company we were working for. She went on and on, whining, and talking about how her supervisor didn’t take care of her when the latter missed giving her the salary increase that was due that month. I was just listening, and I treated her stories lightly. I was even smiling like it was no big deal.
When she was finally done, I told her: “count your blessings.” She was silent for a moment, speechless. She didn’t see it coming. She said, “I know, but…” and failed to continue. The next morning, I received a voicemail from her thanking me for my timely words the previous day. Imagine if I encouraged her to whine more or to support her negative thoughts? I would feel bad about it knowing I could change the situation. Instead, two souls felt better that morning.
I stumbled upon Edward Mills‘ detailed article about tips for staying positive around negative people. It was an excellent read. I can relate to some of his tips because I’ve been using them unconsciously. Although if I were him, I would clarify that “avoidance” should be the last option. In fact, I would say “STAY”, because it is the right thing to do; and because negative people are not always negative all the time.
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Maybe they walk away from the negative people because they really aren’t that “positive” about themselves to begin with. Afraid perhaps a fragment of that negativity might brush on them, rub off a bit and they wouldn’t be able to counter and shake it off then. Just my theory there.
I used to work with a guy who was relentlessly negative. The only way I could stay sane was to do stuff like drop lint in his tea, or piss under his desk after working late. Eventually he caught a bacterial infection and died, but the months I did spend with him were hell.
I think it’s a trickier subject than that. Sometimes people are passive aggressive and/or actual psychopaths. People with narcissistic personality disorder or antisocial personality disorder, for instance… You shouldn’t give them any chances, because they’ll really screw up your head, and there is little hope of reform for them outside of therapy. It’s not a situation where it’s good advice to say, “Stay in there until you get out…” because not everyone will be able to get out once they’re in.
In certain cases the most positive thing you can do for a person is to tell them off and then act like they don’t even exist.
I know there is a lot of power in the tongue, I think by our words we can create blessings or cursings. I have to pull myself up quite often when I want to complain about a situation, because maybe I am making it worse by cursing it with my words instead helping it by blessing it by finding positives words. Or at least do as we were told as kids “If you can’t find something good to say don’t say anything at all”
Hmm, I think I was misinterpreted and I apologize … by “negative people” I meant people I already know: like friends, family members, co-workers and others we meet everyday. People we can’t avoid seeing in our everyday lives and not psycopaths by its technical definition.
I’m sorry. I have to avoid negative people to keep my sanity.
i’m am the type who avoids negative people. lately, though it seems that these people cannot be avoided after all (there’s just so much pessimism these days that they’re all around you). so just like what you said, influencing them is a better approach as long as you think you have a control somehow over them. Examples are family members, friends, peers and subordinates.
others that should be avoided all the way are bad media people, politicians, criminals (esp. terrorists) and bad drivers. : )
Cris, thanks. Yup, that’s exactly what I meant. I’m a teacher, and everyday I meet and interact with negative people (co-teachers and students), what am I supposed to do? We are trained to motivate and influence people, and that’s simply the point of this post.
i agree with you brotha. sometimes you need to be around negative people just so you can re-evaluate your negativity level. sometimes you gotta be around the most negative person that will make you say to yourself, “damn, i thought i was a killjoy!”. from there, if you have a good heart, you will do what it takes to be a more positive person. negativity kills! however the nature of humans is negative and that far outweighs those that live positively. you would think that we could be equally positive for humankind, but that is too much to ask for these days.
all i know is that i try to do my part to be positive and create a positive atmosphere amongst those that i come in contact with.
and saedel, thanks for that love that you left at my blog brotha. i will be consistently coming through to holla atcha when you drop your blog posts.
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I agree in that you have to let your light shine. It’s good to be a positive influence on people and try to help them out where and when you can.
I do also think though, that you can’t help everyone and after you do what you can, it is up to the person to change their attitude. You can’t do that for them, you can only lead by example.
Good Post.
I actually try to talk to and help people that are really negative and overall “downers. Society really treats these people with little to no respect, and I find that disgusting. They’re people to, but most folk just want to get away from them. It’s a shame that people can be such jerks.
Sometimes I feel negative, sometimes I don’t. I don’t want people bugging me when I’m negative, but, if they’ve made the effort I really appreciate it when I’m feeling more positive about things. We’re all in the negative-positive spectrum someplace!
I think you just have to make sure you stay positive and don’t get dragged down in the swamp of negativity. It’s always good to have a mix of people around so there will always be some who are up when others feel down. There’s nothing worse, though, than when everyone is down at the same time and it turns into a pity party.
Hi saedel,
TO be honest, i actually have the same belief as you do.
I too get to meet many negative people. I don’t think avoiding them is good my myself personally as this would means shutting out opportunities to reach out to them. I do belief that we should influence the people that surrounds our everyday life and NOT to avoid anyone who is not ‘likable’ in that sense. We should make the world a better place to live in…and that means that we cannot choose to avoid negative people!
hi
i want to thank u cuz ur subjest is wonderful
every one of us meet negative ppl and we shouldnt avoid them we must learn something fom them,
thank u
If we would avoid all the negatives surrounding us, how would we define the negativity?
It seems that encouragement works better when you are on the “other” side.
Also the responsibility is an issue well addressed here.
Great post!
This is a very important subject in virtually any business situation. Negative people squander energy by using negative energy. If negative people could simply convert their negative energy into positive energy, the world would be a better place for all of us. It is best to avoid negative people.
Positivity doesn’t come at the cost of avoiding negativity. A coin has flip sides, and we cannot and should not avoid it.
It, actually helps you take out your shortcomings and improve them.
I think we must not aviod negative people, else because it just will make them more and more negative.
You point out some really important points. And you are right about not just walking away from a negative person. There will be times when you cannot do that. At some point you have to learn how to deal with negative people in a positive way. You have outlined a few ways here to start learning how to do just that. I am awful at dealing with whiners. Thanks for the insite.
really nice and very well written article and i totally agree with you if there were no negative people in this world then how come they made all the positive stuff?
Alot of people may have misconceptions of what negative people are. Theres a fine line between a negative person and constructive criticism. saying someone is a negative person because they have given you a different outlook may not be so wise. I suppose it just boils down to how you listen and understand what “they” are saying. And if your emotionally mature, then negative people will avoid YOU cause you can not be stirred by their cynicism.
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Everyone in your life appeared in it for a reason. You attracted them into your life with your thoughts, attitudes and beliefs.
Now suppose you then start to change your thoughts, attitudes and beliefs, over a period of time, in a big way. Many of those people who were in your life will naturally begin to drop out.
And they will be replaced by new, different people, who are now being attracted into your life by your new, different thoughts.
Negativity is death.
Great take on an oft-avoided subject. Thanks!
I really dislike negativ people, however sometimes they are negativ for a reason, and i feel sorry for them. Other people are just born negativ and it’s really hard to have anything to do with these people.
Very good article.
I totally agree with what you wrote in the passage. Avoiding negative is not a solution but a form of escaping from the reality. And the fact is that, wherever you run, you will still meet negative people.
So, why not learning how to face and overcome them? Stay positive is really a very hard work to do, but it is doable with a lot of patience and practice.
With Love
Christian
I would have to disagree…
We tend to share energy levels with one another. This simply means that, negative energy will rub off on to the person with positive energy.
Many dentists become suicidal because they have to look at the faces of fear and discomfort. Over time, they build negative feelings of fear and discomfort for themselves.
I have a different outlook, I am a so-called “negative” person.. so i know what if feels like to be walked away from. I have positive people around me but its no help, they can never get into my head and help me get more positive. The way to change my negitive attitude is to take some time away form my life (i.e. – take 15-30 minutes) and do a self reflection in my house. Its quite, and I am being truthful to myself and it works for me! It does take time to build that skill about being truthful but its worth it for me in the long run
yup, i am with you , in Hindi mythology, writers also said the same thing, to keep negative people near you. they say that negative people by telling you your mistakesmake you a positive person.
Avoidance works if the person who is avoiding a negative person is not easily influenced by this N person. But if he or she wants to do something good to this negative person then I think we render some care to this person.
My 2cents worth
It’s not like you can really avoid negative people anyways. I mean, like the woman you worked with, we all have to put up with unhappy people sometimes whether it’s at home or at at work and i think that you’re right about the responsibility us positive people have. Since we are in a better place in our mental environment, it can’t hurt to take a moment and try to help them put whatever it is that’s bugging them into perspective. It’s what’s called being a kind and compassionate individual.
Thank you this article really open my eyes.. to be honest, i hate negative person and right this moment actually I’m dealing with that kind of person in Y!M and then voila i stumbled at your article..right in the moment where I am about to leave xD
thanks
I have negative minded room mate. In the start we live together like friends but after some time i understand his thinking level he is really a dark minded person. After realizing his thinking level i decide to ignore him and believe me I still live with him but i have any frustration and really live peacefully in my room.
That’s a good way of putting it. We can compare “negativity” to an addiction like alcohol. You can only say that you’re not addicted to it anymore if you can look at it and control yourself. Another example is if you’re in business. You don’t avoid the naysayers. You have to face them head on. I personally have a lot of naysayers in my silver and gold business. But they’re welcome to ask questions and contradict what I’m saying. It gives me a chance to explain to them and make them believers. So if you’re a positive person, share it!
A nice topic.
I always wondering if i am a positive or a negative person…….
I should be a emotional person who laugh in this minute, and then cry in the next minute.
I don’t know why.
But i admit that no matter what happens, if you are still alive(not going to suicide today), i should be cherish everyday and be happy.
a good story
in my opinion , apporoching positive people is better than negative
I agree with what you wrote in the article above. however, that we should be positive we must be in a positive environment. after it was inherent in us, maybe we can pass it to our closest friends are negative.
still learning
Ace dstarlight
Sometimes negative people makes us sick but through them we can learn something new.
thanks for writing this article.
People don’t realize that sometimes, the energy of positivity can change the energy of a situation,the people around you. I have a friend who always has something positive to say about everything. Sometimes a I tease him about it, but he very recently went through an unbelieveable tragedy. He and his family are from Haiti.(Ouch. I know right?)He lives here, but he went there right after the quake to see how he could help. When he got back, I was amazed at how realistic yet positive he was. Trust me, he wasn’t thrilled with the situation, but he was positive and firm in the fact that he and his family would make it through. Whenever I get ready to complain about ANYTHING, I think of him.
Yes, thinking positive is a good thing. But having the perception of negativity is also an important factor in seeing the balance of things. I got this friend who always think positive- I think she read the book “The Secret” and she got this thing about being positive all the time- it is as if she is living in a different world where everybody is happy and gay with no problems at all.
Being positive is a good trait but foreseeing the black and white in every situation is just as important.
i think we should avoid, but thats my point of view… though i like the article… keep rocking nice blog..
Interesting point but human nature disagrees with you. Our minds can only ward off negative bombardment for so long. It’s not weakness; it’s called being human. Negative people strongly rub off on people around them because people are easily swayed for the most part. You and I, and others with an incredibly positive outlook are the exception, but we total about 5-10% of the population.
It’s sometimes hard to persuade negative people they are negative – and the damaging influence they have. I know, because often I am one and you can feel the drain on people that you cause at worst.
So positive people, I know we are frustrating but don’t give up on us. It’s worth a little effort to get us to change as all benefit!
I think people are getting a bit muddled about the use of the word “negative”. Some people are genuinely depressed and need support and care of those of us who are “positive”.
These are not the same people as those who are eternal pessimists – the ones whose main enjoyment in life is moaning and complaining. Often with tones of righteous indignation too.
I come across a few of those in my work place and do my best to avoid them – half an hour of one of them unloading what ever their latest complaint is on me is something I don’t need to find space for.
So my take – avoid the pessimists for whom moaning is simply a habit. Look after an support those who genuinely need it.
In certain cases the most positive thing you can do for a person is to tell them off and then act like they don’t even exist.
Since we are in a better place in our mental environment, it can’t hurt to take a moment and try to help them put whatever it is that’s bugging them into perspective.
I’m feeling pretty negative right now…the weather is horrible, and I’m meteo sensitive, and when I’m like this it depresses me even more to see “shiny happy people” around me, doing their best to be..shiny. I feel like I could stuff them all in a closet somewhere so they could all just leave me alone. Not all negative people want to be helped you know…
After read it, I feel fresh, thank you
Great Article Really nice and very well written article and i totally agree with you if there were no negative people in this world then how come they made all the positive stuff?
I usually avoid them, but I’ll try not to in the future
It is very necessary to avoid those negative people because they bring negative sides on your life.They would definitely ruin yourself and brought you into something not good for yourself.
hi, the negative people are most likely affect to your attitude and influence you to become negative as well. On the other hand, the positive people influence you to become a positive thinking people. Thanks for posting this interesting article.
In being a simple person, you must step forward to stay positive.even if, there are people you cannot understand. Thanks for the information that to make a positive thinking.
Avoiding negative people is a positive thing lol… i have to many negative people in my life and i must say the do tend to drag me down to their level, you post is very thought provoking
last summer to spend time on vacation ( tatil ) I decided to quit. There was certainly on my side but very KVM’de a benefit for the better I guess I can not say I can see a little more work is required. Data storage unit can sometimes malfunction. But nevertheless I do not think much is bad:)
Negative people make you negative
you are right friends, so negative on what will happen to make it as narrow. but when we think positively of inspiration as easy to come
Great intention in theory, and congrats to the ones that can apply it, I also try to do this as much as possible.
That being said, if you have enough negative people around you, there usually is no other way to deal with it, but start avoiding them. As one commenter said, ‘to keep your sanity’
One thing that I found really helped in dealing with negative patterns (in myself and others) was this old-school book Games People Play, and the science of Transactional Analysis. It teaches some clever techniques and questions to ask, in order to ‘short-circuit’ the negative patterns people get into, but without getting confrontational.
Pretty deep-reaching, dealing with things like alcoholism for instance, and how those to can be ‘short-circuited’ in some cases.
Keep fighting the good fight!
Stephenie Meyer Books
I believe it is our duty to try to bring positivity to those who are negative. People do change. I have seen people who move from an negative office where I worked to a positive one full of happy people and become positive themselves. A lot of negative people are just mirroring what they think others are feeling.
Excellent tip. Before reading this article I probably would of validated their negativity by listening to their story myself. I think sometime you just have to put your foot down and let them know that the negative attitude is not the way to go.
Some people are total negative time bombs! I used to work with a dude that was so negative he ended up having a brain tumour, personally i think it was cause of the constant state of his mental state (angry) i couldnt stand to be around him and it used to get me down
Remaining positive all the time is not possible for everyone…Negative thoughts in mind sometimes helps us to avoid being too proudish on things…Negative thoughts control us help in taking the balanced decision in our life.
Thank you for pointing out “Edward Mills‘ detailed article about tips for staying positive around negative people.”
Regards,
Preston Guyton
I think that positive thinking people ARE stronger people. It doesn’t take too much for a lazy person to mope around all day and let out negative vibes. It’s Darwinism.
When around negative people all day, like at work, it can be difficult not to become negative yourself. This happened to me at my first job, took me a while to get out of negative town after switching jobs.
I think negative people are pessimism-driven, excessive self-esteem who are in reality confidence slammers and sometimes rageaholic. Negative people are often pretty brainy, which adds enormous horsepower under the hood. Negative thinkers can get in trouble quickly on the relationship highway. We must help them by let them be our friend and give them chance. Nice article.
well written post enjoyed reading it, one of my friends is a seriously negative person but it doesnt bother me it doesn’t affect my life so I’m fine with that, i try to encourage him at times it usually works for a while then its back to been negative
This is a helpful article that can help me understand others more. This is one great help in making me see what is there that I can do for these negative people rather than avoid them.
You cannot change negative people. Maybe you can change them for one hour or one day… but after a while they will fall back in old structures… If you are a positive people it is genetic luck…
)
Negative and positive concept is individual’s perception. One can discriminate the others attitude at the instance or at the time of behaviour for that period. Generally, a prolonged interaction with the people certainly understandable for their regular thinking nature. Envious people are certainly negative thinkers always. The thoughts which you don’t like will certainly perceived negatively by you. Now who is thinking negatively?!!!
I think we cannot avoid those people, so I think we must find the smart way to face them. For just example my boss is really stressing me up with his negative think about me. I don’t give a damn about what he is think of me, as long I do my job good someday he will see me not as he think today. Nice post friend…
“I view it as absurdity when positive people simply decide to walk away from them to protect their own feelings. ”
This is great, I used to be very negative and if my friends gave up on me I would not be here today. I understand not wanting to be around negative people, they are draining. But they need the positive to survive.
dear this is nice work and i think it is nice article for those people who have nagative thinking and try to do always something nagative this one can be stoping option for the nagative thinker but any how thanks for that information
I totally agree, some of my friends are very negative people thats why I kind of keep my family away from them
I agree in that you have to let your light shine. It’s good to be a positive influence on people and try to help them out where and when you can.thanks..
I consider myself a very positive person and there is definitely a lot of good that can come from being around negative people, I’ve helped a lot of my friends, who can be pretty negative sometimes, by just simply keeping them calm and staying positive. But my sister is an ETREMELY negative person and I try for the most part to help her out stay positive and help her see the good side in things but she has never once excepted my silver lining philosophy she always comes up with a reason for why im wrong, getting shut down repeatedly like that can get exhausting, so some negative people can just plain drain you.
Best advice I ever got on negative people came from a bartender. She said that when someone comes in and they have an attitude, she tries to imagine what it would take for her to say or do something like that. What would she have to go through before she’s unload on somebody like that. By the time she answers that question, she’s not angry any more. She’s feeling curious, and maybe a little bit sorry for them. That makes it her job, as much as she’s able, to draw them out.
Afraid I am not with you on this one, i think negativity can be a very destructive force. It is vital that you do not have any more of it in your life than you have to.
Thanks for this great blog post
People are usually negative because there’s something in it for them. I.e. they might win your empathy or they get to be dramatic… I’m learning not to get “hooked” into other people’s (often self-made) dramas. I will listen. I will acknowledge. And if they’re working to help themselves, I’ll support them. If not (if all they’re doing is complaining and not taking action), I acknowledge they’ve said something, provide the positive viewpoint and push on. When people do this with me, I notice it and it can break a cycle.
How should one keep the negative people of the body? Everybody is negative sometimes, I say only one has a bad day. It becomes very heavy itself only with positive people to surround.
Nice post, maybe negative people can extract something from this
This is a good articles I feel that u have good writing skills and would recommend u to publish ur articles at actapress publication it has been offering its services for more than 70 year now. Has specific standards for publishing the articles. i am sure ur articles will get through easily good luck!!!!!
if u try this do let me know the results.
A person may not be negative all the time, if they are then avoid.
It depends on the people I guess, some should be ignored some not..
I’ve read Edward Mills articles before.
quite interesting
I understand what you say about the negative people. I really share you vision. Being positive is a state of mind, you are not influenced by the ones around you. Negativity is also a state of mind. Being an open person can even make the negative people around you change even if sometimes just when there around you.
and one more thing, for some negative people some kind words (like you said to that lady) are probably more important then money.
Yeah, avoiding negative people would almost make you alienating most of society. As long as you’re steadfast in remaining positive you have a great perspective to offer pessimists.
If I didn’t avoid negative people, I would really be going to the mental hospital.
Every person have their own opinion either they are positive or negative so we don’t avoid any single person becoz everyday we learned new things from every new person either he/she have positive thinking or negative thinking
I never thought about that. I consider myself a positive person who tries to surround himself with other positive like minded people.
Sometimes it’s worth it to go out of your way and bring sunshine into someone else’s life. That, in effect, is actually a part of being a positive person, sharing the love!